When Loving Him Costs You Yourself

Hello Beautiful Soul

One of the quietest heartbreaks I witness isn’t the moment a relationship ends. It’s the slow, subtle unraveling of a woman who’s trying to hold onto something that was never truly holding her. You start to see her light flicker. The spark that once danced in her eyes fades. Her laughter softens into silence. The woman who once felt vibrant, expressive, full of life, she begins to disappear, piece by piece.

And it’s not because she’s broken. It’s because parts of her are working so hard to be chosen. To feel safe. To feel enough. Her system keeps giving, her time, her energy, her tenderness—hoping that one day it will be reciprocated with the depth she deserves. But the truth is, some relationships do not nourish. They deplete.

She stops dressing the way she used to, not because she’s lost pride, but because she’s lost energy. She no longer speaks up, not because she has nothing to say, but because she’s learned it won’t be heard. Her protectors are doing their best to keep her safe in a system that feels emotionally unsafe. And her inner girl, the one who longs to be cherished, starts to retreat.

Because this isn’t love. It’s emotional starvation.

Some men don’t hurt with raised voices. They do it through silence, indifference, the inconsistency that leaves a woman questioning herself more than questioning him. It’s a subtle kind of erosion, praise laced with judgment, affection that feels conditional, love that arrives with tension rather than tenderness.

And the woman in this story? She begins to shrink to survive. She contorts herself to fit into the space he’s made for her, too small, too narrow, too conditional. A space where she must constantly earn the love that should’ve been offered freely.

If you feel yourself in these words, I want to speak to the part of you that’s exhausted. The part that’s tried everything to make it work. I see your efforts. I honour your loyalty. And I invite you to remember that staying small is not the price you have to pay to be loved.

You are not too much. You are not asking for too much. You are simply remembering what it feels like to be fully alive.

So, when you are ready, choose yourself. Not in anger, but in reverence. Not because he failed, but because your soul is ready to rise. You deserve a love that expands you. A partnership that honours all of you, your fire, your softness, your depth.

Come home to yourself. That’s where the true love begins.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox